


Being Human, and Not.

by cptsuke



Series: Out of the Shadows [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7290841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptsuke/pseuds/cptsuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's sixteen years old and Donny is telling him they can be people too.</p><p>(on leonardo's straight up Hell-to-the-No)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Human, and Not.

**Author's Note:**

> Man, Leo's weird foot down, straight up NO caught my attention, so i figured why not fic until it made sense to me.

Leo couldn't trust humans - maybe he's being selfish, maybe he's being an asshole, Leo _knows_ he is, no maybe about it – but he can't trust people. Maybe he doesn't even _want_ to trust people.

 

Even April – April who they all love, April who has somehow managed to slip seamlessly into the small space in his heart that Leo's reserved for _family –_ even April had seen them, at first, as only a news story.

 

 _A story_.

 

Something that would have upended and ruined their entire lives, it would've been just a _thing_ , barely a blip on the rest of the world's concious. Just a bizarre end of day story that some might remember vaguely six months down the track but most would forget as soon as the next big thing flashed upon the tv screen.

 

He could forgive her - she'd by far made up for her initial reaction -but what Leo truly can't forget was seeing those people. Not just Sacks – who was twisted and _wrong_ inside – or the masked Foot soldiers – who maybe had a good reason to want to see them down after all the hurt they'd exchanged over the past couple of months. But the people in lab coats, scientists and doctors. Intelligent people who should know wrong from right and still put Leo and his brothers in cages. Tapped their veins like they weren't even animals, happy to drain them of all their blood – _to kill Donny and Mikey_ – because it was easier than helping. Easier than doing what was right.

 

Leonardo couldn't trust people. Not anymore.

 

 

He doesn't tell his brothers any of this, just lets the knowledge sink into him. Somewhere deep and quiet, where he keeps all his fears and insecurities, somewhere he can still acknowledge the thoughts without his shame ever seeing the light of day.

 

But then the ground gets pulled out from beneath his feet.

 

He's sixteen years old and Donny is telling him they can be people too.

 

Says it with such _wonder_.

 

Donny's four fingered hand makes his gut churn, but not so much as the _hope_ in his voice. That hopeful tone is a gut punch that Leo takes silently, knowing that what he's about to say is going hurt his little brother but not knowing any other way to react.

 

For a brief selfish moment he wishes Donny wasn't so damned smart, so he didn't have to deal with this. Wishes that they never had to know this was a thing they could maybe have.

 

They don't have time for this right now. So Leo says _No_ with too much finality in his tone. Voice too sure for something that wouldn't go away no matter how much he denied it. For something that was never going to be truly his to decide.

 

Leo's not stupid.

 

This is out there now, and _dammit_ he knows his brothers all deserve  _more._ Donny deserves more than discarded sewer books and online classes. Just like Mikey deserves the chance to love the whole world, the chance to see it with his own eyes instead of through the blinking pixels on their tv screens.

 

And Raph.

 

Raph needs to not be held back by the invisible shackles of something so insignificant as what they look like. Raph needs freedom, the sort he'll probably never truly find down here in the shadows.

 

And Leo  _does_ want that for them. Wants nothing more from life than for his brothers to be happy.

 

But he says _no,_ says _don't tell the others_ , because he doesn't have right words to explain himself. He doesn't know how to word what he really feels, doesn't know how to make them – make Raph, because this is surely something his hotheaded little brother may never forgive him for – make them understand how he sees the truth of the world.

 

Because he can't truly believe they'll ever be accepted. That they could slide into the fabric of society without, at the very least, losing what made them _them_.

 

Maybe if Raph had been there, had seen the lab coats just turn their backs like if they couldn't see Leo and his brothers bleeding out everything was all okay. Maybe then Leo could sway Raph, have him in Leo's corner.

 

But he wasn't, and somehow, after everything they'd seen and done, there was something still hopeful in Raph. Something hopeful that survived no matter how hot his rage burnt.

 

Leo can't begrudge him that, doesn't want him to ever lose that.

 

But there's a fight coming, Leo can feel it in the tension that tightens the muscles in his shoulders – something big, maybe even bigger than the one they had with the Shredder – and a five fingered hand won't grip a sword like his thick three fingered one does.

 

None of them would be the same and _they don't have the time,_ can't afford to be sidelined by something as selfish as personal wants. And as much as he hates himself for it, Leonardo needs his three brothers functional and fighting fit for what's coming, not three people caught up in what ifs and daydreams of new unimagined futures.

 

So he'll shoulder this information for them. Shelve the whole discussion until they have the time to fully understand what they'll be getting, what they'll be giving up.

 

Time, all Leo needed was more time.

 

Just a little longer before he loses his brothers to the bigger brighter world that he knows he will never belong to.


End file.
